What a day!! I mean really.....It has been one of those days when I just want to throw my hands up and say "I Quit", I want to get in my car and just start driving and keep driving. I wouldn't ever really do that. It just releases something in me to say it out loud. Nothing tragic has happened, but I just can't seem to get a handle on everything and need to vent. Better yet, I need to spend some quiet time with my sweet savior. Our family needs to get back to our family devotion time and I need to organize my days better.
I came home from a mid morning meeting to find my mother (beginning stages of Alzheimer's and cannot walk steady) stuck on a hill in the front yard in her power wheelchair. It sounds to crazy to actually be true, but it is. My older boys had just seen her outside and had approached her to help. Of course when we tried to help, she became angry with us because she cannot seem to get in her mind that she cannot do some things for safety reasons. Of course she can't get it in her mind because of her illness.....duh. The story doesn't end there, but ends with her crashing her power chair in her living room. I have to laugh a little because if I don't I will surely break out in tears at this point. All of this started because she wanted to take out her own trash and not let Kanon help her. After this ordeal, she became upset with me because I wouldn't drop everything and take her shopping. Now really....does she really need to be trying to navigate stores at this point?
My mother truly cannot comprehend that I have 4 children I am trying to get ready to go back to school, laundry that needs to be done, Kanon has a party this afternoon to attend, I have dinner to prepare, a consulting business that has unfinished projects, and rental property with a renter moving out today. It's also the end of the month and bills need to be paid and I have some cleaning that needs to be finished. I would also really like to have a few minutes to just spend time with my family. I'm so glad my dear husband is at work right now because he would be thinking I have gone crazy. It's days like this that remind me how quickly things can go wrong and that I should be focusing on what's really important. I truly feel that I am suffering caring for my mom. Some days it is so hard and a feeling I can't describe. I also feel extremely guilty for these thoughts. When I slow down and think and pray, I very quickly realize this is what I am supposed to do and there is a purpose and that she is my mom.
In John 14:31, Jesus said that the reason that He was doing what the Heavenly Father commanded of Him (going willingly to the cross) was so that the world may know the love of the Father. When we experience suffering, we are also sharing in Christ's sufferings - so we too, know in a deeper and fuller way the Love of our Father!
I pray for peace in these circumstances. I pray that I will be strong and handle these situations in a way that sets a positive example for my children. I know I don't always do that and I need to get better. I also need to realize, I'm not alone and to trust in my heavenly father.
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